Category Archives: Uncategorized

Really nice thoughts

I’m having nice thoughts before bed, the setting is alway the same, I’m smiling while kissing a dark facial haired man and he I smiling too.
I know it’s me that I’m thinking about because it’s the clothes I usually imagine myself in, and it’s the style of hair I usually imagine too.
Except this time there’s a white gold diamond ring on THE finger.

It’s a lovely thought too and it puts a smile on my face before I wander off into slumber.
And I start to think about my previous thoughts before bed time and what’s happened to them and I wonder if I’m doing the same thing, manifesting.
Manifesting happiness

It will be real, it’s too much of a strong thought not to be ūüôā
Love you
Goodnight xxx


Study and work.

I got a call today from the new job I have lined up saying they had full time for me, which is fabulous, however it had one down side and that was that I therefore would have to wait a further week to start it, instead of starting on the 27th of Feb I’ll be starting on the 5th of March.

I am basically living on no money, living on air and the good graces of my mother, during the time I have to wait to start working however I will be finishing all my University things off, such as finance which I’m gonna crack on with tonight and accomodation, which I’ll research and then apply for more nearer March time.

Gonna live in my onepiece Onesie and get all my washing done, so I have loads of cute outfits for when I start work.

ImageLike RiHanna here, chillin in her slim fit baby romper! (Note to self, must get on american apparel and get the slim fitting onesies)

As soon as I get a big wage packet I’m booking and passing my test! I will be driving before I’m 21, ya hear!!! Papping off to Uni and hopefully cutting a deal with my job so I can keep some hours.


What I meant to say to Warren Carpenter

So its 2:54 in the morning and as always before I fall asleep I gather up in my head all the things I could have said to Warren about breaking up after I stupidly went to his house without any placards.

Ya know you have all the scenario worked out in your head, what your gonna look like (beautiful) all the meaningful and relationship inspiring bollocks that is gonna emerge from your lips, and you see the guy and you basically with each word you say (which is um, ah, i don’t know) you MELT into the ground, slowly.

And then he tells you “I’m seeing someone now anyway”, ANYWAY? ANYWAY? like¬†that’s¬†a ANYWAY thing to say, I felt like¬†I¬†had been shot in the face with a bazooka!
And then I cried, like a pathetic  idiot.

So ANYWAY Woz, This is what i Meant to say.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry that what I went through, even though it had nothing to do with you, turned you into a coward. I’m sorry it made you scared and I understand you didnt wanna be apart of it, but you promised you’d be there for me and you weren’t, cheers.
I really had to do it on my own, but I never realised how hard it was until you left me to “get on with it”.
The reason I can’t get over you as fast as I would like to is because, even though you met me at the wrong time in my life, you were the perfect candidate to help me through what I had to experience, you were so different compared to the previous guy that hurt me into this affliction.
I don’t have any over powering bullies at home either, I’m safe to say martin has left, and he won’t be coming back.¬†I was so content in your company, you just felt like home.
I don’t blame you for doing what you did, because¬†I¬†probably scared you, nor do I blame myself because some women have gone totally worse over the same, what I do blame is the idiot that hurt me in the first place because I can’t really get over it, while¬†¬†knowing it royally fucked up our relationship.
I¬†know we weren’t together long but I was sunk on a promise that you weren’t going any where and therefore I felt safe, too safe i guess. But knowing that, you were different, you meant a lot.
I miss our play fights, our tiny sessions where I would get half cut and then fruity in the bedroom, I miss you pretending not to be drunk when your clearly steaming and nearly ready to cry, I miss taking the piss out of each other and you barking in your sleep.
I miss how tall you are because I’m a exactly a head shorter than you and therefore your beautiful to cuddle.

I miss you goddamit.

And I guess you will never know!

ANYWAYS good luck with that girl your seeing, I wish you all the best.

Love Nat


New Career… Stripping

My friend came to me with the idea the other day, and I was really surprised because she isn’t sexual at all, she’s attractive but she rarely gets¬†horny, I’m more of a bubbly character and have gone straight up to people, well men and started chatting.

I actually¬†googled how to become a stripper and found an article in the Guardian!! (conservative british newspaper) About a woman that has been made redundant at the age of 20, my age, has no career prospects and become a stripper for her mortgage payments, I’m in awe.

Apparently to be a stripper you need certain qualities

  1. Confident and Bubbly towards the opposite sex (Check )
  2. A workable look (check)
  3. A  toned body (check)
  4. The ability to dance (check)

This is my check list:

I will need¬†4″ or more heels, which I have, just gonna have to sort out the sexy from the¬†smutty, but¬†I¬†have heels that tall. Three stage outfits, I have a sequin bikini that¬†I¬†bought from Magaluf, that¬†I¬†look mint in, I need a babydoll chemise set and a Smutty dress, Sexy Lingerie, does that even need an explanation? Baby wipes because they don’t taste very nice and if a customer licks you then he’s gonna get a god aweful taste in his mouth. Hairspray and gel, so style wont drop out, somewhere to keep money, (knicker pouch perhaps?), fake persona, yeah I won’t tell you guys that because i wanna keep my identity a secret, although i will be blogging my outfits and such.
Mixed music CD of the most sexiest songs, I’m gonna have to take a trip to a friends for some R’n’B because she is the queen at it, Garter, to keep ¬£5ers in, Rubber Band to Roll up my money.


I actually wanna look totally different so I might invest in a dark wig, and some contact lenses to change my general aesthetics so if I do go for the local joint no one will recognise me
Cant wear Glitter or perfume because it gets on the clients clothes and then the girlfriends know about it, :-/ not a good idea. 

I will need my nails done, if I wanna be recognisable I need to not have my nails done uniqly because if i run into someone i know from the pub, then go into the pub and they see the stripper nails they are instantly going to know, so just casual french mani for now thank you, unfortunatley i dont have the money for a salon visit so stick-ons will have to do.
I’ll do my make up a darker shade than usuall too to add to the tanned/toned effect I will be doing with my body, its gonna cost me alot to start up.


For Clothes and Shoes for the stripper life

Right Lets Tott Up the Total for the audition

£07.50 Spray Tan
£29.99 Wax Roll On
£06.38 Body Mist

I need to learn a Dance routine in high heels, gonna do that tomorrow, get up early and sort myself out a mix CD, go down stairs with laptop and bust one out, keep you posted lovelies. 




Tagged , , , , ,

Plastic Fantastic

Me in another universe

Look at that nose! Bitch!


Do you know how many years I’ve hated my sodding¬†Roman/aquiline nose of mine?


8 years (since¬†I¬†was 12) of starting fights to hope that they’d get my right on the bridge, break it,¬†I’d¬†be rushed to hospital, get a nose job on the nhs because its bent backwards, and I’d end up with a little cute snub nose like t’old¬†Barbara¬†here.

Did you know?

That the snub nose is apparently the most attractive of all the noses, and even celebrities like Megan Fox, Cameron Diaz, Hilary Duff (no surprise) Gwen Stefini, Demi Moore, Lauren Conrad (ashamed!) and Rhianna (after Chris Brown, I mean did you see the width of it) have all had nose surgery.

These are my favourite faces, beautiful noses, I call this the duchess, snub nose, just cutely placed on the face, and not¬†disrupting¬†anything, eyebrows lead the top, the base¬†isn’t¬†massively round, I have a¬†Gwen¬†Stefani nose, with more of a deviated tip, here ive fucked about with her face on photoshop to show you the extent of my beast of a conk.

Normal Gwen, My nose Gwen

And heres one of me using liquify on photoshop, ireally didn’t know how to save it straight from¬†Photoshop¬†so¬†I¬†had to snap shot it instead :/


Someone buy me this please

Philosophy and Us

FLASHBACK: I’m laid in bed with my now ex, talking about¬†independence¬†and¬†loneliness, and I asked him the age old¬†philosophical¬†question¬†“If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound”?
Erm, no  I guess, he answers.

DING DING DING, (alarm bells go off in my head because I’ve just realised my boyfriend is an autistic¬†egocentric¬†narsassistic waste of my time) “what?” “well if no one hears it, its¬†insignificant”.

I change the stance on my philosophical debate, “OK¬†there’s a political rally in¬†Rotherham (my home town) and there’s the mayor saying¬†everyone is to¬†have¬†a curfew,¬†everyone’s¬†shouting and you have this great counter arguement but no one asks for your opinion, is you opinion insignificant like that tree?”
“Well I’m a human, I can write, a tree can’t, I’m the greater species”.
And from then¬†I’ve¬†just figured that even though he’s lovely towards other humans and compassionate towards me, he’s never gonna be on my¬†wavelength.

“OK, you are that tree, you cant write, you can’t move, all you do is leave and flower, you fall in the woods, are you heard now?”
Still no, ok its not that he is egocentric, he’s just so happy he was born human, (probably so he can go out with me, haha, joke).

This is how I explained it to him.
Are you independent?… Yes
Are you lonely?… Nat, I’m laid in bed with you.
So your this tree in this wood, and you fall, and your surrounded by other trees but nobody hears, and your still insignificant? Yes
Do you know how roots work, and forest root systems? No

They’re all connected, so if the middle tree, which will be the one that falls and no one hears because of the muffles from the surrounding trees, the oxygen from the top that the leaves soak up,¬†isn’t¬†going to direct through the tree to the roots, to the other trees.

He’s a jack of all trades, knows how to fix most things, even light fittings, so his reply was “so like solar panels, warm up a house, if one panel cuts out the others get over heated and stop and then its freezing in winter?”

Yes, kinda, but lets see it as, your elizabeth fritzel, No one except your dad and mum know you exist, you fall on a sharp knife, and you die, who cares right?

“my dad, who’s he gonna rape now?” Sick answer, thanks for that, but he’s getting it.

“well mr fritzel goes out after and kidnaps a girl whose identity is not hidden from the world, does anyone hear the tree-ish kidnapping?” yeah they do…

I look at his face, I can see the clocks ticking, and then EUREKA he gets it, well yeah someone would hear the tree fall because everyone is connected, so by one tree falling its like the domino effect of decay from one root source to another, so probably in about 20 years the forest has fallen down.

OH MY LORD ūüôā I think I’ve found the one

OH yesss, my ex boyfriend wasn’t so thick at all, too bad he’s an ex, well to be fair¬†I’m¬†getting over him but I know he still cares, so its time for me to do some rock climbing while casually think about our marriage so the law of attraction will act on my clear request for our rekindle.

Wish me luck people.

Can we talk?

I cried over you last night, been doing that a lot lately, I think about you as soon as I wake up and I try to dream about you when I go to bed, I asked you to hold me last night and I felt like you did.
Ive got a new job if you’d like to know, work at Dune in Meadowhall for the Xmas period, start weds 16th. I wanna see you, I miss you.
Everytime I hear a sexy song I think of you, you grabbing and squeezing me like you used to, taking the piss outta each other because I’ve said something stupid or you’ve done something silly like put another sugar in and pretend not to be steaming drunk!
Playing around in your bedroom and getting attacked by your massive dog.
Walking miller and Randal and you apologising for millers behaviour after he goes after another dog.
What was your point? Your purpose in my life apart from to make me feel extremely lonely without you?
“do you want kids?”
“pffft not yet”
What man asks that? One that’s ready, and even though that’s what I was asking for, I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was.
All I know is that I still care about you, and I think I may still even love you, I cry about you and when I walk past your house my heart speeds up and my feet slow down, one of these days when I see your car alone I’m gonna have the courage to knock.
Probably next Wednesday… Give me courage o’ lord, fate is by choice not chance, and I chose you, now I’m gonna chance it.
Wish me luck.

Getting better

Depression and anxiety can be an underlying worry for anyone but when it makes your family worry about you, your friends disappear and your sleep to be erratic you gotta question wheather your depressing others with your depression.

No likes to hear a “oh my god¬†I¬†wanna kill myself story” and i never wanted to tell it but there was something that made me feel so unworthy that having a connection to death and another life force,¬†simultaneously made me worry about the life force and death of my family, my ex boyfriend¬†and my friends.

You really figure out who is there and who isn’t and who never was, you find out about the back stabbers, the toffee nosers, the boyfriend stealers and more importantly the attention seeking bitches.

Maybe i am the latter and i am seeking attention, but all i wanna do right now is write, dance, and enjoy the two months before xmas with my skirt tucked in my knickers and my dancing heart attacking every move.

I wanna go to the pub with my beloved, i wanna go for a walk with his dogs, i wanna melt into his being but that doesnt mean it will ever happen again and i gotta realise that my self esteem got in the way. Maybe pride got in the way, showing him off and telling my family “look what i got” a decent bloke from our area that didn’t just wanna fuck in the back of his car with huge biffy’s. I was keen as soon as i laid my beauty big blues on him and he was game green for me. He saw the barmaid not the beer.

If¬†I¬†was to see his face again in the midst of my battles, I’d probably tell him to leave because¬†I¬†am a war onto myself, I didnt start the war, and I don’t want to finish it either, i want someone to hold me and go, no matter what they say and no matter what they think I am still gonna be here.

Its time to realise that insecurities and self conflicting issues need to fuck off and let you be happy, because you were before any of them ever were spat at you, as for bullying, if someone ever tries and diminishes my self esteem again I will make them feel so small they’ll realise I can do it back ten times harder.

Peace out.

Love and other drugs

I miss my lovers, I miss Alex for showing me the taste of weed, I also miss weed! OMG no my will power is stronger than that! My rib cage hurts, can’t gulp properly and I’m dropping little nuggets in the toilet.
If this is what it’s like to get off cannabis then I feel sorry for smack heads!
I hate/love/hate that green sticky substance, I’m a bloodhound for it! Pulling my own eyelashes out so I can eat them, you ever had the munchies so bad you could eat your own toes?
My Tongue is lolling, my chest hurts, my ribcage is digging into my powerful lungs, my muscles are massive and my tummy is rock hard!
I feel like I’m seizing up! Growing my hyman back, so I can be pure again!
I’m dehydrated, my back is sore and I feel like I’ve been boxing, don’t all your bruises come out when you die?
My nans water is ever so salty! Bye carb does wonders to your washing, not so much to your mind!
Got a taste for by carb, granddads pills look tasty, dehydrates, wonder what they’d do to my skin!
I miss Alex, but I miss Warren more, I miss him so much that I walk the same way he takes his dogs.
I’m under mega amounts of stress and my body is coping so well!
Little by little I’m curing myself of all the damage that has been done to me, that scar tissue, all the birth marks, all the pain.
I was shot in first world war.
I was stabbed in second world war.
I came from Russia, because I can speak a language I don’t understand!
Keep asking god what it means but for some reason the ignorant bastard keeps going “all the languages under the earth and you don’t know where you belong”?
I belonged with Alex, but that shit head taught me bad things, I belong with warren but I’m a bit too fruity for warren…
Especially when I’m drunk, or doped up, I dunno maybe life’s little drugs make Natalie an Aphrodisiac!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Stress and nervous breakdowns

Get this I’m 20, I’m getting pain in my womb from a recent coil removing and my belly is swelling, my grandad thinks I’m getting fat, my mum thinks I’m getting fat, I don’t wanna be fat, I’d rather be pregnant.
But let’s hope I’m not that either, I went through some hard times at Uni, I can’t even remember what I was doing, well I hadn’t even started my course yet.
I needed some help with issues, issues that happened back home.
I hate myself for it, yet there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Trust is a powerful thing, even Darren brown could tell you that, when do we start hypnotising ourselves, making ourselves realise our full potential.
I watched “limitless” the other day, thinking that guy is me, ever since my eyes have got better my sense of smell is amazing, my skin is clearer apart from the stress area I have on my chin.

Am I curing myself of my eyesight? my nose is getting smaller, am I doing that too?

I’m also growing, well I feel like I am, I feel like I’m getting taller, but my grandparents are shrinking because of there bad backs! Feel like Alice, in wonderland takes a shroom she grows taller, Alice obviously had an addiction to wacky backy like me!

I have an addiction to danger, oooh danger, have you ever seen the movie 13 when them girls go the wrong way?

Yep! Been there done that, I just did it at 19, better age, still leaves you fucked in head. It’s 8:11am on a Wednesday and I’m comin out with this bollocks, GOOD MORNING INTERNET PEOPLE!

See the moral of the story is, when it stops being fun, put the joint down!