What I meant to say to Warren Carpenter

So its 2:54 in the morning and as always before I fall asleep I gather up in my head all the things I could have said to Warren about breaking up after I stupidly went to his house without any placards.

Ya know you have all the scenario worked out in your head, what your gonna look like (beautiful) all the meaningful and relationship inspiring bollocks that is gonna emerge from your lips, and you see the guy and you basically with each word you say (which is um, ah, i don’t know) you MELT into the ground, slowly.

And then he tells you “I’m seeing someone now anyway”, ANYWAY? ANYWAY? like that’s a ANYWAY thing to say, I felt like I had been shot in the face with a bazooka!
And then I cried, like a pathetic  idiot.

So ANYWAY Woz, This is what i Meant to say.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry that what I went through, even though it had nothing to do with you, turned you into a coward. I’m sorry it made you scared and I understand you didnt wanna be apart of it, but you promised you’d be there for me and you weren’t, cheers.
I really had to do it on my own, but I never realised how hard it was until you left me to “get on with it”.
The reason I can’t get over you as fast as I would like to is because, even though you met me at the wrong time in my life, you were the perfect candidate to help me through what I had to experience, you were so different compared to the previous guy that hurt me into this affliction.
I don’t have any over powering bullies at home either, I’m safe to say martin has left, and he won’t be coming back. I was so content in your company, you just felt like home.
I don’t blame you for doing what you did, because I probably scared you, nor do I blame myself because some women have gone totally worse over the same, what I do blame is the idiot that hurt me in the first place because I can’t really get over it, while  knowing it royally fucked up our relationship.
I know we weren’t together long but I was sunk on a promise that you weren’t going any where and therefore I felt safe, too safe i guess. But knowing that, you were different, you meant a lot.
I miss our play fights, our tiny sessions where I would get half cut and then fruity in the bedroom, I miss you pretending not to be drunk when your clearly steaming and nearly ready to cry, I miss taking the piss out of each other and you barking in your sleep.
I miss how tall you are because I’m a exactly a head shorter than you and therefore your beautiful to cuddle.

I miss you goddamit.

And I guess you will never know!

ANYWAYS good luck with that girl your seeing, I wish you all the best.

Love Nat



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